dreambaby

i think that if you can see someone in a really vulnerable state..even a reuplsive state and still love them or respect them even, then i think that is meaningful. i think it means something.

not sure what.

It may just mean you are dumb. It may not mean that i just am not sure what it means but i think it is indeed, important

They say ..you know,  they say love is blind and all. but obsession is a blind thing too.

and a fool in love is a fool indeed

so it may be obsession it may be naive it may be true love. dopamine.

i dunno. or it may be laziness. sometimes it easier to love someone than to not.

When i think of the past and people i loved...i don't know... sometimes I want to find them. dig them back up.

but..i dont know. when i am feeling reflective i want to ....write the story of myself i guess. tell myself the story of myself and how i got to wear I am so that i can reanalyze the present. make sure its real. or make sure that i quesiton the reality of it. and the people i knew, the people i loved...they were part of it. big, big part. I love hard.

and things that are important...events. They can not always be understood while they are happening.

And, well, even just the passage of time...adds wisdom. You become seperate from the person you used to be, you know. i am not the 24 yr old me - but now i feel like I understand the 24 year old me better and i want...i don't know what I want.. I want to apologize, i think..... or say thank you. or something. acknowledge it

But are you wanting to acknowledge/thank/apologize the person from then or the person now?

 

Well, both I suppose. Because to me, they are static. I mean,  if I dont know them anymore then they are still in my head how they were in the past.  So i suppose I would like to say it to whatever/whoever he/she is now. hmmmm..but maybe that is selfish of me? to bring up things to people from my distant past just to emotionally satisfy myself? like bringing something to someone..... give them something they don't even want. Who knows. Just realizing that staying alive means aging and aging means memories and dealing with the fact that these memories may drift up unexpectedly and they may shift and your understanding of who you were and who you are will/may shift slightly as well but in a way that solidifies, not loosens. the disintegration and fluidity makes it stronger. not weaker.

bear with me. I've never been 34 before.