My dog died September 2023 and then my best friend died October 2024. Best friend mentor...teacher who became family. He was everything. Sometimes you need people to see you, not just anyone but a certain person and when they do you become something else, something better.
The world isn't spinning its twisting. You can bargain your way out of time and you still lose everything. To die in your sleep in your home is the best way they say. With your pets around you. Devastation in your wake. I cleaned out the house. After my dog died I drove all night and buried her beneath the moon in the ground beside her sister near the roots of a pear tree. My dad had dug the grave nice and square and deep and even cozy. it looked cozy i thought. They are together on the other side of death now, separated from me. I wanted to go too, especially with ellie my dog. I wanted to go with her. But its not time i guess because i know i can't. If it was time i think i would know.
How long does the shock last? He died in October and I've been cold since then. I can't get warm inside. It is December in the crescent city and it was 85 degrees yesterday. Everything is damp and the clouds are thick and pale gray. The shortest days the longest nights the least light. I try to maintain a sort of equilibrium between the horrors of this unjust world, delivered daily in the little screen. And the thing is, I am not as angry as i used to be, but I still want to see it burn.
