so happy!

I am so happy. I did like 4 paintings last night. It felt so good, i had been sooo locked up, creatively, since the Tech thing. As i was working, i was aware of things that needed to be improved, but i could not help but think "i do TOO have skills!!" Some of my paintings, i LOVE them. i think they are beautiful even if i see 2 or 3 spots that need work. And i honeslty do not CARE at all what anyone else in the whole world thinks. Some of them I HATE and see them as a manifestation of everything that is wrong with me. But as i was working, i was just like - i know what im doing. i know exactly what im doing. I experimented with painting with coffee over compressed charcoal. It was fun and different. It made it so hard to come into work today, though, to leave my nest of creative freedom where i can carve new paths out of realitly to the drudge and dull boredom of routine work and fussiness.. At least my boss is awesome, he is a real art person. i cannot complain too much. i will be leaving soon, too, but not soon enouogh....focus on the plan...... focus on the path.....see it crystalize..