"you should be careful what you blog about," said one of the people that love me. "You should not make yourself....vulunerable."
Am I? I didn't know that i was...well maybe i did. Maybe I didn't care. hmm
the conversation stayed with me. rolling over and over in my head.
Why did i start playing with words again anyway? When did I?
Well nothing i say is THAT personal..nothing i wouldnt say in real life. I spoke about my E.D. to a room full of strangers on TWO occasions. I randomly confess sins in everyday conversations and quickly bite my lip.
See there are boundaries...
oh yes i always had trouble with those.
"Well you never know what someone may use against you...."
and that was very good advice. People are crazy...no one will walk up and introduce them self like "hello i am your internet stalker..." A stealth sneak attack? years in the future maybe? when i have long forgotten that i blogged all those blood clots...
maybe.
Part of me wanted to say...the things in my blog are hardly secrets and they are hardly weakness...If you think they are then i should never show you my real face!! These things are just conversations at the watercooler..little red herrings swimming about..
2007. i'm waving my arms about in a classroom. i'm painting the air with an imaginary brush and rambling to my class about the "personal energy blah blah in movements that you infuse into your painting...into your pallette. The vigourous way you mix the paint the repetive motion of applying it to the canvas..brush strokes...this is an impressionist technique right here, but you find your OWN style you see..." How much of ME did i give them? Well it doesn't matter anyway bc they were not paying attention. I got a small check and bought art supplies with it.
"I didnt know i loved you til i saw you paint. Then i knew"
"well" i replied. "i'm not painting, i'm conversing with the dead."
3 comments:
It's funny, I used to be so paranoia about what I wrote, and now I really don't care who knows. I wonder sometimes if it's because I consider myself so far gone it doesn't matter anymore? Like this way at least I can be the best screw up that I can be :)
Lola x
im kinda in love with this picture. so totally in love. i think it was in my dream the other night...or at least i wanted it to be..
Hi. Just someone kind of browsing... and came across your blog because I too have love of art therapy.
Personally, I think your blog and lack of "filter" is refreshing. It's not often that you come across things that are real. (and the internet is probably not the place to look for them, but I do anyway.)
Anyway, take care.
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