The Anxiety Series

so i was working on my resume and before i really even got into it
i went bought beer and cigarettes and then, of course could not finish it.
next night, same game. self medicating=self destructive for me
my avoidant personality prevailed
i don't want it to, though. i don't want to be a slave to ANXIETY
and the refusal to BELIEVE in myself..that nasty voice we all know.

Anxiety plays into EDs in a huge way, of course.
and the more anxious i am, the less i can eat
and the less i can eat, the more i LIKE the hunger i feel
and the more i feel propelled by it.NOT GOOD.

And jogging helps with the anxiety and the depression
but lord, i have to balance that too.
my therapist said yes, one mile is okay, five miles is NOT OKAY.
yes, yes i can handle that. Balance.

the other day i was drawing and the Negative came on
i asked myself Why I Do This Art
it is useless and i have no passion
another part of me answered - THERE IS NO OTHER PASSION
and the Negative conceded..and crawled away
but not before whispering that i can feel that way
about the Hunger, too.

thats fine. I am a crafty witch. I will balance this between sick and well
gotta stay focused and positive..healthy and alive.
I may ask for help with this resume business, though.
fighting the internal demons and the external ones at the same time
can be overwhelming.
I will choose to apply But There Is No Other Passion
to a passion for Living, not dying and not self destructing
so help me goddesssss