So one thing i am not afraid of is the dark. My first love is the moon, tattooed on my stomach right beside a stitch with five stripes....one for each member of my immediate family including me. This ink is not supposed to be pretty or fancy...just a symbol that I wanted... that I needed. A stellarscar had to have had a stellar stitch. i need beauty. beauty and is truth. and the truth it almost always has a black spot...that I can't ignore, or look away from. Maybe it's my chemistry, my past or this world, but please don't ask me to lie.
If there is a sun (god) so bright, then how can i continue to Hug My Sadness Like An Eyeless Doll?
I need this pain.
"Oh don't be so mello-dramatic. " my T said that to me once. Yes, for real. But it was okay..like knowing her and her coolness and the timing...It was perfect. Like, it might have changed my life.
So strange those moments...that come together. Stitched in time. A seam a crease a moment that SOMETHING happened
In my head i go back, and pull them apart and see if there is anything in there. I am headed straight to that dark corner to see what is in there, straight to edge to see if anyone has fallen over and i'm headed straight to the river to see if there are any snakes....and there are.....
( i took that pic today - it is a Banded Water Snake)
usually.
Im headed under the consciousness too. Like the Jung lover I am, i want to poke around in there..terrified of what i won't look away from.
Then i get bored with myself.
So I make up someone new. Some mothlike and drawn to the light, someone who will leave the darkness alone.
someone with..an apple core star heart made just for you
Margaret Atwood: “Is it necessary to suffer in order to be a writer?” aspiring writers are in the habit of asking. “Don’t worry about the suffering,” I have tended to say. “The suffering will occur whether you like it or not.”
2 comments:
just have a second right now.
have you read atwood's a handmaid's tale. for some reason, i'd bet you have.
that novel blew my mind. i've read it a million times and think about it endlessly.
Margaret Atwood is freaking amazing. I love your reasons for getting the tattoo. It's should be personal to you and you alone. And it is. That is great.
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