Suddenly the internet seems full of spies. Maybe bc I am in a city with so many more people, maybe bc of all the OMG FACEBOOK PRIVACY....news stories about how so and so didn't get a job bc they posted a drunken pic on myspace 2 years ago. WTF, man this isn't cool at all. I found a LOT of support for some very personal issues on internet forums and in blogs but the idea that they are being catalogued in the library of congress makes me ill ( somebody told that was the fate of all tweets).
Not sure WHY this just occured to me with such force but I know that one reason is because i have more to lose now, than before. Now, my job is really laid back and cool and this is NOLA so drinking is not only normal but encouraged...but still. What do i do with the mental issues and the recovery/recovered process. Hide them? i wanted to advocate but that seems harder than i thought....the insults about "crazy' drippping from mouths is a bit much when you already feel desperate to hold onto what you have.
Of course its not like i am going to run for SENATE or anything. But the idea that my future husband's divorce lawyer (lol) could use a myspace blog from 2008 as evidence of my mental instability is unsettling. Who knows, man? Who knows where this internet social networking thing may lead. A lot of the starved caffeinated rambling poetry i posted on myspace in 2006 was GOOD imo, but I don't want everyone to see it. Or steal it. And i set the privacy controls to " friends only" but does that really mean anything? like locking the front door....or closing a curtain. Probably not much.
So yeah that is one reason i have suddenly been hesitant to blog....Yet i don't want to delete anything. (i have been told repeatedly that "deleting" does not really make it go away. Google has a file on you somewhere.....) I don't want to LOSE anything or anyone. I really just want the world and the internet to be a safe place. And it isn't.
4 comments:
everything you post is real and thoughtful AND you are working on your issues.
i think it's a problem when there are naked pictures of you and you're bragging about all the heroin you shoot with your thirty lovers.
i've thought about it too, but i am who i am at this point. and i'm not ashamed. now if i posted naked pictures...
yeah you are prob right....and i do miss blogging.
i'm thinking everything you write is interesting, thought-provoking, nourishing. what you think is insanity, i find calming. thank you for opening the door of your thoughts for me.
I have thought about this sort of thing a lot lately... but this quote always gets me through any doubt or worry about sharing who I am openly and honestly...
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” - E. E. Cummings
I don't wanna be anyone else on this one trip around the life cycle... and I could be wrong, but I don't think you do either.
I find what you write to be soothing because of it's honesty - and, as you know, inspiring. And obviously I am not the only one who gets something positive out of what you have to share.
Post a Comment