I don't take rejection very well why don't you just make this easier on everyone and fall madly in love with me. And, of course, you know that by 'everyone,' I mean me. I have slipped back into self absorption lately and it is not very becoming.

Bc life is not that simple or easy and you can rarely choose who you love. You can decide to continue to love someone and be there but you can't just make someone want you despite all the bad lady mag advice in the world. and why would you even want to? I just want something real, but you see, i don't even believe in love, love is a dragon I slayed long long ago so why does it continue to rise up inside me like a starving beast driven by nothing more that a primal need to survive by feasting on touch and laughter and kisses and hope and companionship and someone to go to the goddamn park with. I mean not really. I'm not really that desperate just confused about they way we all interact with each other.  And how nothing lasts. Nothing lasts so you have to get good at being okay with loss. And that is not easy bc it defies logic. The need for other humans is some animal thing i hardly comprehend. People say animals don't "feel" things like we humans do and so, fine, they don't. but they feel. I have seen a mama cow mourn her dead calf for days. literally days, walking around wailing a god awful cry. Chimps will carry their dead around with them sometimes. It is like a version of the connection is broken but the beast can't let go. Dogs that are raised together will sometimes go mad when separated...crying, chewing their fur off, becoming lethargic.

Is the point to experience as much as you can, go as far as you can, learn as much as you can, see, feel, make, become and breathe and do all you can for this flickering moment we are alive or is it to surround yourself with the people you love and cherish them every second that they are breathing? because you can't have both, sweetheart. But you may want to quit being such an extremist.