The more people i meet down here the lonelier i feel. What is that about? feeling lonely? not understood? just the absence of anyone that cares or knows you?
Its okay, I mean this experience is what it is and I will be fine....I didn't expect much when I moved here. I expected to work and go to school. I wanted things to change. and they did. because i changed them. whatever, you know. I just wasn't prepared for the endurance...of being here. I prepped for the move, for the adjustment, but now that i am here and all these people are so transient and moving about and no one is tied to anything that makes sense to me. And they like it that way. I don't - but then again I hated feeling trapped and smothered, too. All i ever wanted to be was transient. I listened to ramblin man when i was little and i wanted that song to be about me. What is all this pain about? All of our pain? Is this chemical nightmare depression anxiety crap? Or is this Just Living. Does Living mean learning to gracefully lose things you love. (or in my case, not so gracefully...yet)
1 comment:
maybe all of this bullshit we experience, is just about lost. some game in where you are given the prize and it gets taken away. you are left with only knowing what you could have had and never will again. of course thats just being dramatic, because you can love just not by comparison. you can not meet and love the person of your dreams because they do not exist, at least for me at this particular moment in time. you can not love someone the same as another.
what is love though? a fairy tale to help people want to live for something or someone.
i've given up on 'love' and i'm so tired of trying to understand others.
i wish i had answers to give you or better advice.
i guess we all just want someone to care and make this life worth living for. its just finding someone else that connects to you. like trying to find the right puzzle piece to fit into your hole which is your heart.
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