June 9

Starring scarring fading falling…rising….burned out and then blinked back to life in a waking dawn new light filters through the old panes and across ….ankles, cheekbones and the gentle curve of stomachs.

Days weeks months. I wanted one more day with you.  Cold wind and then rain crashing down like teacups. Chattering like porcelain teeth. A baby cries in a dream startled awake the mocking birds .

Gulls casting shadows across the rippled sand. A ruined castle and a brand new plan.  A life bursting forth from a shell, cracked across the sea floor twelve times and then washed away again.

The broken vase in the garden of dirt and this concrete prison cell sold over and over with real estate signs rotting down to the core of a trashy river.  A River Rising without permission and a million landlocked knock kneed jaw thrusting punching pushing….

Up river to the lake, all for a glimpse at the stars home is this nest, wisps of thread and sticks and scribbled words faded into looseleaf. Then your lead broke. And your heart broke. And a thousand clichés tumbled out like bouquets.

The admission of guilt, the freedom moves up stream to a place were deer sleep and reflections are never seen in dew drops on pear leaves opening for mist at morning and all across the sleepy soft ground the grass pushes up, reaches for everything

I am Patchwork

 

Stiches and scabs. This is where the healing begins. This is where you make it happen, how you keep going how you swear to the sky you won't give up. I want to give up. i want to dig a shallow hole in cool damp earth and feel it press against my back and shoulder blades and dig in and relax and sink. I love the earth, when i was younger, I  would happily dig up worms and roots and marvel at the shades of black and brown and tan and sandy grain and fluffy soil and how it felt soft like my mother. Under my nail and between toes, it felt like home all over me.

Nothing feels so good and real and whole and honest and that is where i want to be, every particle of me wants to dissolve back into it, every particle but one.

and that one particle has your name it, whoever you are.

i love you.

i am patchwork. i am pulling it together.

i am reaching for the sky now.

Make a Great Witch

im gonna make a great witch

out of clay and ribbons
and give her to you.
i forgot who i was so
i asked the girl next to me and
she let me borrow her eyeliner.

Everything became so clear
when looking through her
smudged eyes
Later she showed me her hip bones
"arent they beautiful"
and danced away
with some lover.

i continued my search for god
searching my hip bones this time
he loves a scavenger hunt,
God does.

Noah's wife didnt get a name
and Lots wife got a salt lick
just for remembering.
I love disobedient women
Was it Jezebel? Eaten by dogs?
"Hey mister man my body is NOT a temple
its a god damn time bomb"
she screamed at the preacher when
she was nine.

Surely that is a false memory
like most of them.
connisseur of memories, I am.
Mine and other peoples.
All those dirty walks
down Bourbon street
Drunken talks
Days i spent
sewing animal bones together with ribbons
hanging them all over.
Yes, that was my attempt at a conversation.

eclipse this

painting
Originally uploaded by angel in the dope smoke

i have so much work to do today
god i love green tea
Patchouli is the best smell
i like how my puppy's ears smell
shoes are so much fun i just got some
earth shoes so i can
burn more calories with every step*
reading about incantations made my heart beat faster.
to speak a gods name...to Invoke.
Well i tried to eat tuna but dear god...it's crazy-awful
i need a low calorie high lean protein source that DOES NOT involve a
dead animal
why do i love peeling/picking skin???
i love when bright eyes says
"looking skinny like a model with yr eyes all painted black
you keep goin' to the bathroom always say yu'll be right back
well it takes one to know one kid i think you've got it bad"
well here is a painting but i never paint this way
i did this to prove something
and i probably didn't but oh well
the past two mornings i woke up at 4:44 with
the night unraveling all around me