What if i went AGAINST my gut?
Do you have any idea how HARD is for me to trust people?
No. You can't.
tell me something to change what i believe
tell me something to change me
It feels so desolate inside me...there is no one there.
I keep people at arm's length bc I do not trust most of them.
I mean it sucks, kinda.....
But my intuition is a flying roaring soaring beast
and i dare not fight her...
"this is not the time"
But really i can't win either way.....
"Not Waving but Drowning" is a poem by British poet Stevie Smith published in 1957 as part of a collection of the same title
4 comments:
=)
I'm thinking you are always thinking no one can understand you because a majority of people don't. I actually know what it feels like and know how you feel. But, if you are anything like me, maybe you don't want some person to say, "I know what you are going through." You might rather have them say, "I wish I knew what you were going through" and be all understanding, but never really understand. That's the thing with artists. We always want to be understood and accepted, yet a part of us tries so hard to be true to ourselves. And, who we are is unacceptable and misunderstood by so many people. I know this isn't helping at all, but I just wanted to say, after reading bits and pieces of your blog and mistaking your words and pictures for my own, that I understand. I can't lie. Your mind is often your biggest enemy, but if you can get past that, the world can be a beautiful place with beauty in the negative spaces. I hope you don't allow yourself to suffer too much. I wish you healing, peace of mind, good health, and sanity. And, like the voices in your head, I will now disappear to, perhaps, come back when you least expect it. :)
j,
the reason i think people don't understand me is bc i ask them and they say no.
I only decide a person does not understand me if they say they don't, or if they show me with actions that they don't.
i really am not all that complicated....at all. I am extremely open about stuff..... I like to explain myself bc i am LONELY and i want to be understood by CERTAIN people. (plus i don't care if anyone reads what i write or not, i just put it out here)
But i have had people pretty much RUN from me so i try to not to overwhelm people with things that may be foreign to them. I mean, you have to be smart about things like that...
I sit here daily and hear and see people shit on everything i believe in. and i really think that it makes me a stronger wiser person.
However, I rely pretty much on facts. I do not believe in fairies or allah or satan or miracles or that "everything will be just fine"
also - i know that many art people try to be all mysterious and weird and shit, but really when someone "gets" my art i LOVE it. it makes me happy. I only enjoyed the 'no on understands me' thing when i was a sulky teenager, lol.
i love your artwork...
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