Maybe my perception of the world and of people is way off - or maybe i am just strange (could be...) but my attempts at "joining" things - clubs, movements, organizations, etc is always met with - well. ReJeCTiOn. or at the least, AWKWARD.
I am pretty much a loner and always have been and I am pretty much okay with that. Actually I am tooooo "okay" with that - it scares me how much i LOVE silence and being alone. But that being said, I, of course do need people and lately, have been thinking that I have might actually have something to *GIVE* to the world. I am not sure what but i have an able body and I am not afraid to work.
This town sucks in a LOT of ways. It is small and old and most of the people are pretty narrow minded. But still. a SERVICE organization that is non profit surely would welcome able bodies to come and work...right? Nah. Nah, really, like I said, I could be way too sensitive about stuff but pretty sure - I just do not fit in here. And that is fine, bc i am pretty solid in my head about who i am and what I think is important...I may be too
solid actually bc I can't be fake and I can't pretend. I am pretty open minded and non-judgemental though and it does anger me, slightly, that I would be exempt from helping a person or animal in need bc the People In Charge don't like my religion or appearance or what the hell ever. But oh well. One of my reasons for recovery was to Give Back something...time or energy or whatever. And if I cant do that in this shithole town, then i will just keep on keepin' on. One day i'll find it. that niche. God, i so feel like the Bee girl. (link to the blind melon video on youtube)
8 comments:
i know exactly how you feel, being a loner and all.
theres just times when i need people, and i want to give in a lot of ways... but i struggle to know how to do it.
their loss! im a total loner, in many ways. i feel rejection even when it isnt real. i even feel rejected from my therapist some times... cuckoo!
maybe start your own organisation!!! be your own cause! I was thinking when I am better and happier, I want to somehow volunteer to go and talk to people in their darkest hours, or people who just need people. you could brighten up peoples lives with your art somehow? your skill and talent could inspire others! keep on keepin on!
Katie - yeah that is me, too. Im thinking "am i doin this wrong? did i say the wrong thing?" or like Lou Lou said - I don't know if this rejection is "real?!"
It can be frustrating...reaching out can for us lone wolf types.
oh well. Howl! lol
in a one horse town, its good to be strange. if you fit in, then something is wrong. being a loner comforting when you find other loners, when you give people a chance sometimes its best to offer a hand rather than a fist.
i suppose i'm trying to say, fuck em. lol do something else that doesn't require approval from old ladies or snoty people.
btw, from your earlier posts, i say totally rock the stripped socks and boots. again, who cares what people think. it gets you nowhere other than a long hard road of being self-conscious of yourself when you should just be free.
okay, i suppose sometimes its easier to avoid situations where people stare because of what you look like, but when you learn to ignore them or just avoid dressing a certain way like going grocery shopping; it makes life easier.
good luck out there!!
You will definitely find your niche. In fact... this blog... is a niche. You are not alone here. You share. You give. And here we are...interacting with you. Reading. Don't forget about the little things. :)
I share your feeings. I moved to a small town and am trying to find my way. Somewhere out there are people who get you. Continue to be who you are not what who others want you to be. I'm a loner also. I feel you.
I think that a service, non-profit agency is an awesome idea! And agreed- they are always welcoming new people to help with their cause. Good luck!
hey girl. hope your hangin in there.
lou
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